Maaaaavalous

Meet my new fashion guru. I seriously want to be like her when I'm old, mental and wet myself in public.

On a side note: this diva felt it was necessary to tell the 70+ year old man cashier that she was using a Wal-Mart gift card that her grand kids got her because they didn't know what else to get her when she made it CRYSTAL clear on her list of items she wanted for Christmas. (Yes, she said it just like that.)

Weeeee wooon't huuuurt yoooouuuu

Holy shit, Batman! How can a baker honestly think this would coax someone into buying it?! It looks like it is going to sprout arms and legs so it can run after me and gnaw my ankles off. *shivers* I'm good but I'd rather chew on tree bark, thanks.

Totally natural

Oh no honey, I have always though of fuchsia and eggplant (with roots) hair as "natural". Really natural. I don't want to stop and start at all. Or stalk you through a Sephora store during the busy holiday season, have management of the store watch me because I look fucking suspect, just to snap a picture. Hell no. I wouldn't do that. Just one question... do the drapes match the carpet?

Nice body work

I see why this driver opted to use a zip tie to fix his bumper. I mean, it is a small, easy way to hold that shit to your car. I do have a few questions though... 1) What in the F&*K are you thinking?! 2) Wouldn't bailing string or a wire hanger work better? 3) Why would you puncture a whole in your bumper in order to secure loop the zip tie through?! I sure this driver hasn't reproduced. I don't need another one of these oh so thoughtful drivers on the road next to me. Their hub caps might or blinker lights might fly off because the duct tape or chewing gum didn't hold.

Too much at once

I can barely dress myself in the mornings so maybe that is why I don't understand this outfit. Baby doll dress with long sleeve shirt, sweat pants and uggs. Let's ignore the fact I can't stand those boots but to have sweats tucked in just takes it to a whole new level. What was she going for, anyone? Don't worry. I'll wait.

Please notice that she is searching the shirt shelves at Wal-Mart. She might be shopping for more options. Let's keep our fingers crossed that she makes a return appearance.

No seconds for me, thanks

How would you react if you uncovered your eyes on your birthday to see one of these cakes? It looks like someone used them during a recent oil change. Seriously, it doesn't even look edible. How about you spend your hard earned money one those oil stains and let me know.

So good and so good for you

The thought of pancake and waffle mix out of a squeezy cheese can makes me want to vomit. How would you explain that to your children? "Open wide, honey! I'm going to squeeze this into your mouth and you just hum hot air and let that cook. Once it's cooked we can add butter and syrup. Yum!"

That's not going to lead them to a life of diabetes at all.