What do you use for the shine?

It is so long and silky... who do you use to keep the shine, my good man? How can a woman not hate on him for this? I know I am. I'll have you know it took everything I had to not try to pet the hair...

'Tis the season

Yes, Christmas is a few weeks away but there are other ways to show your holiday spirit. THIS, my friends, is not it. Not. It.

Do these come in a Medium Husky?

I know that designs on the pockets of jeans are the "hip thing" but when it looks like something from Lion King on your ass, there's a problem. My first thought wasn't, "WOW! Tight jeans! Where'd you score those?!" It was more like, "WTF?! It looks like a kindergarten class did that one day as an art project and someone was stupid enough to think it would look good on a pair of jeans. Not to mention slap a price tag of one-fiddy on it." (I apparently had too many thoughts at once...) But what do I know. I'm lucky if I can match black with black.

Thanks again, Crafty!

Don't worry... it blends

I get the feeling this driver didn't read my previous post about using colored duct tape to fix a car. They make that shit in white and every other color of the rainbow. I will give them credit for keeping a clean line but wonder how long it will hold. Unless there is bailing wire and coat hangers holding that thing on, not very long. If that bumper flies off and hits my car, it will be on. Trust.

No shirt, no shoes, no ... pants?

I was first attracted to following the fuzzy mountain lion mane but then realized that she (?) basically has no pants on. NO. PANTS. I don't want to see that or anything like it. Hey lady (?) if I buy you some pants will you wear them?

Nah, I got it in my car

This isn't the dirtiest car I've come across but it's the one I was able to get on film. What mental capacity does one have to have to think it is okay for your car to smell like week old moldy ass? They make trash cans for a reason. Use. Them. This is just gross! I'd rather walk up-hill both ways in three feet of snow with no shoes on than accept a lift from this driver.

Engrish gud, ya?

Who doesn't want brackfas burritos for $.99?! Hope he rolls through my town sometime...

Thanks to Crafty for this one

Better than a wire coat hanger

Say you are having problems with the body of your car. Not serious issues but enough to bother you. It isn't something you want to take to the shop (especially not the one I went to... eesh) just yet because you don't want to pay the insurance deductible. We've all done it. Admit it. Knowing cars like I do means you have an appreciation for them so when you see something like this it makes you cringe.


That is the elusive Mercedes Benz CL 430. That means it is a bad. ass. car. Shame the *woman* driving it only knows it's a Benz and nothing else. The least she could have done is match the duct tape. I swear, that shit comes in every color of the rainbow now. Even the original color is silver!! TRY to match it so it blends... {shakes head in shame}

They see me rollin'

I swear I love apartment complex living. You never know what crazy crap you are going to see. Take this cart, for example. It is from a local Wal-Mart that is over 1 mile away. What has to be going through your mind to think it IS a good idea to push this damn thing over 1 mile, through an access gate with the bags of junk you just bought? Oh, and then leave it parked outside your building as if you stopped to check the mail? Don't worry, I'll wait while you help me figure it out.

America's Next Top Model

Ma'am, I am amazed by your sense of style! I love how the full mink fur hat brings out the purple in your 1995 wind suit. I might also point out how those Shape-Up Skechers shoes will certainly help you "walk off" the two giant freaking candy bars you are carrying. Well done. I hope I can be that classy when I get older.

Just in time for the holidays

This is exactly what we all have been praying for each night. I want to know I can attach some extra elastic onto my pants button and enjoy that added comfort, creating a very attractive muffin top. Forget that you could be a super fat ass and keep stuffing yourself until your extra elastic extender will need another extra elastic extender. But it is the holidays so go on, enjoy yourself.

50% off is about right

After holiday clearances are the best place to find pieces of hot mess, like this. Caught her trolling for Halloween candy, not that see needs any. Her tig-ass back bitties are doing just fine without her Hoovering sugar while Maury announces who the father is. What you fail to see here and I wasn't able to catch the magical creature on film is she has a trail of tattooed paw prints going up her thigh into her no-no place. You know you want to follow that trail and see where it leads...

p.s. I had a co-worker catch me taking this photo and called me out on it. Loudly.

You've got balls

What am I missing here? It's a Ford Taurus with a set of metal balls hanging from underneath. There's nothing manly about that. Certainly no reason to brag either